By Suzanne Carré

Let’s imagine for one very naughty moment that we are watching a pair of vampires. The naked couple entwine, oblivious to our presence, as they enhance their sexual pleasure. Vampires don’t hide their sex, when privacy is a factor of trust, so they won’t mind if we watch to learn. In their world, vampires believe the best way to instruct in sex is to copy a demonstration.

Vampire sex requires all forms of speed and endurance limits. Feeding sex is usually fast and frantic but the more serious the sex, the more likely it resembles a quiet kissing session and not a marathon. The more psychic the sexual exchange, the less physical the sex becomes. So it doesn’t matter if the mattress isn’t rocking because these vampires are still making beautiful music together.

But it gets more complicated. Just because vampires often couple Adam and Eve style doesn’t mean they’re into the same stimulation we’re accustomed to. Vampires don’t have rules to follow based on anatomy limiting the pleasure options. When it comes to obtaining sexual bliss, vampires insist on sexual equality of sensual gratification in all gender roles—initiation, stimulation, and penetration (and in this case I’m not referring to biting each other).

Active and Passive Partners

We assume the active partner is the man in sexual intercourse. He’s usually the one on top and he’s the one expected to do all (or most of) the work. We allow for wild adventures where the couple exchange orientations but even in sitting or standing variations, the boy still dominates the action.

For vampires, you can forget the above statements. One exciting the other during sex is not generally practiced when vampires have fun sex. The stimulation is shared and in a distinctive vampire technique called a “conversation” the couple engage to have their bodies do all the “talking.” These conversations of love mean a balanced dialogue, where the sweet exchanges are of mutual intensity and reciprocated.

Little Words of Love

Like all good discussions, the “conversation” begins slowly, shallow tones, with the banter set at medium pitch. The pair then progress to more complicated moves, and the tempo now modulates—high tension achieved by holding the thought, while pensive reflections command a more subtle sway—and in between, the exchange resembles a quick repartee.

Each level of moves, the couple progresses to, requires its own particular modification of the reciprocal set of coordinated exchanges. There are seven levels to achieve and they increase in complexity. Up to level five is possible for human beings to replicate. Beyond this, the moves are not too difficult for us, but we just don’t have the anatomy for it. This is especially the case for the highest point, simply called “the seventh” by the vampires, and it is truly supernatural heaven when attained.

So which one starts the “talking?” Seeing vampires do not classify the establishment of ecstatic union as the beginning of intercourse, then either partner can start the conversation. And how long can these vampires “talk?” Until they are literally breathless. Having reached the highest level, “the seventh” involves absolutely no pelvic motion at all, so it is not physically exhausting. “The seventh” can have the couple using psychic sex but there is enough physical stimulation to make this unnecessary. Any mental exchange is purely for the added thrill.

So now we know there is no dominating partner in vampire sex, how does this impact on a couple in bed? Again, when it comes to vampires, just when you thought you figured them, they will shock you.

Boy Boy with Girl Girl

Here I will assume the male vampire is playing the male role (boy boy) in sex. It follows for the female playing a female role (girl girl) in that she not only lets him begin, but she accepts his lead, and complies with his need for excitement. That’s the simple part, now it gets complicated.

To begin with the male body is not completely male. Why? The vampires consider the active piece of the male is essentially female in nature, in fact the most female part of his body. (Don’t worry guys, this may actually explain one of your problems. Now to get a favorable response you need to sweet talk her instead of angrily expressing your disappointment. Maybe if you’re nice, she won’t be such a bitch.)

In the female body, her sexual equipment is male in character, mainly because it “eats” the male part. Do male vampires care about the eating idea? No, they love it, the more munching the better. Are the males frightened she’ll hurt them? Since they have ample sex education, then they don’t worry. Vampire females don’t have any teeth down there, and no fangs either (oh, come on, they’re not that much different from us), so the way she massages him is part of the fun.

So essentially our vampire couple is a four-some, and starting with him (because he’s on top), we have the combination of male body-female part-male part-female body. Sound like very straight sex, or is it? When it comes to pleasure there are no rules in vampire sexuality to follow for the stimulation.

Not all lovemaking sessions involve a conversation, or any gross movement for that matter. Vampires often couple and stimulate with psychic sex so everything is going on between their ears. Using the lust kisses, vampires replicate all the sexual activity in the mouth, and since his tongue is not only an erogenous zone but erotically active, this gives oral sex a whole new meaning. Then vampires have very sexy fingers. Holding hands is sexual, but if they exchange supernatural power digitally, a couple can mutually reach the summit with all twelve cylinders firing at once!

Vampires always have a real good time when they climb into bed. But it gets weirder. Next time I’ll look at gender-bending with a vampire flavor.

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