By Suzanne Carré

Bonobos, or dwarf chimpanzees, are known for their free-for-all in sex. There doesn’t seem to be any rules and no exclusions to who can have sex with whom. But specialist studying this species are hesitant to discuss one sexual habit of Bonobos—a variant of masturbation.

It is not the concept of masturbation that causes the problem when so many species throughout the animal kingdom indulge. It’s the way female bonobos do it that is controversial.

A female in need of some sexual relief—and no partner to her immediate need—selects a thin branch from a tree. She will fashion the branch by stripping the coarse bark and smoothing over one end using her teeth. This rounded portion she inserts, and with her hand, she flicks the exposed part to vibrate the branch. Her action is quite vigorous, and the result achieved in just about the same time as sexual intercourse would satisfy.

The making of implements by animals for the purpose of gathering food is one measure of intelligence and credited almost exclusively to chimpanzees. But the making of a sex toy clearly has no survival advantage. This is a case for tool-making in the natural world for pleasure only.

So what has this got to do with vampires?

Get a MET

Vampire sex toys are the only tools vampires require in their supernatural existence. The imagination of the vampires extends their capacity to construct a varied array of sexual accessories. Most do not resemble the anatomy they are meant to replicate in activity. Vampire art rarely extends to the reproduction of reality. But each sex toy has a specialized function.

Most vampire sex toys are inert objects designed for the wearer to passively attain the pleasure threshold. Only one of the sex aids they use is mechanical and endows females with male attributes for active participation in sexual intercourse.

The advantages of the MET (as this special toy is called) is it provides biofeedback to the wearer, allowing females to reproduce all the sensations of the male, while encouraging them to stimulate their partners. Using the MET, all girl sex is as effective, in terms of pleasure sharing, as male-female coupling.