By Suzanne Carré

Love is in the heart, influences our minds and changes us so we are better at being us. You have set a spark of love in yourself, you’ve got a spark of love in your partner, so how does your love garden grow? The vampires insist it is not by waiting for love, or by staying together so the love doesn’t have a chance to escape, but by your words more than your actions.

Dedication and devotion are human concepts of love and are not appreciated by vampires. They simply don’t believe staying together is going to make a difference unless you use love to change the conditions. If the love you shared once is losing its luster then it may need a new way of looking at it. The vampires don’t believe in making work in love but using a few methods from centuries of vampire wisdom.

Speak of love not worries

In our fast-paced modern confusion we call living, we are pressed by problems that seem to multiply just because we thought of them. Our natural tendency is to complain, and that’s what your partner is for—they’re a perfect sounding board—right? Well, let’s face it, they’re cheaper than therapy. The common parlance is to call it nagging. Okay, we’re dealing with a real human problem, so let’s ask a vampire for advice.

Vampires don’t have our concerns to bother them but they certainly have their share of problems. In the forming of relationships and the cultivating of love, the vampire manuals of love stipulate the worry must not test the love. A test of love, through doubts or insecurities, is destructive because it means you have lost sight of the love you have.

Love is as tough as we need it to be, it’s strength lies in the way we are prepared to work together with that love. But love is not perfect. If it was perfect, love would self-destruct the moment we gave any challenge to it. So don’t expect love to weather your complaints. Your love is a part of you, because you created it, so grinding it away with worry is only hurting yourself.

The vampire solution is to address the problem. Don’t make your concern the reason for existing. If the problem is bigger than you are, then ask your loved for help. Don’t criticize. Together, with love, there is nothing greater than your loving relationship and nothing you can’t deal with.

Time to speak

If you are familiar with the concept of taking time out—the giving of “me time”—then extend this to being together just for the sake of sharing company and call it “us time.” This doesn’t have to be long, and remember it’s not for sex. The “us time” is a moment together, alone, just to hold, and feel safe and secure in each others arms. Vampires prefer to spend this time in bed but curled up on the sofa is okay too.

The vampire rules for the “us time” are simple.

  • Talk softly so you don’t give the opportunity for any excitement in your voice.
  • Keep the rest of the world out of any discussions by focusing on the me-you-us of the relationship.
  • Vampires do not allow any party outside the couple to instruct. Advice is fine but commands are forbidden without explicit permission.

The use of the bed

Vampires use the bed for more than sleeping or sex. The bed represents a haven for love. The vampire rule is make love not war within the boundaries of the bed. In this safe zone, even if one of you is in bed, the conflict ends immediately. That is the vampire law.

The rules of love enhance love, they don’t restrict love. Obeying simple boundaries helps to strengthen your love and helps it grow. Use the bed to make space for the time you spend together sharing love (not necessarily lovemaking).

Vampires don’t have a lovers quarrel just so they can make up with sex after. This human practice never made any sense to them when, in the time wasted arguing, the couple could have shared sex three times over. Vampires prefer to just get on with it. After all if you want to raise your blood pressure, then do it with an orgasm not by yelling and screaming. Vampire love manuals do not deal with this topic at all, but it appears occasionally in their letters. The only solution offered is to transform the troublesome partner from a fighter to a lover.

Love grows in the words of lovers

The transforming power of love is in the way the couple communicate their love. Talking strengthens bonds. The reason is simple—you’ve prepared the mind with love, so now your words confirm this love. The mind responds well to words. Vampires are prolific writers and great talkers. They can discuss their feelings without any fear or doubt because they are not confused when it comes to love and sex. Culturing their love with words comes naturally.

To teach love, and encourage the development of love, the vampires have a language of love. Most of the terms used by vampires refer to sex and how to ask for the physical conclusion of lovemaking. The vampire words describe the body in a praiseworthy manner. The sexual acts they classify, they describe to elevate the mind. Their language of love reflects their respect for each other with a complete absence of vulgarity.

Vampires can describe sex with a straight face. Sex is not funny to them and mainly because vampires experience sex without any shame. To think vampire is a great way to free yourself from the drudgery of shame and guilt that puts so much unnecessary strain on a relationship. If you express your love physically, there is no advantage to making the sex crude and humiliating—this ferments regret and that’s unhealthy for love.

I have only just begun to discuss the sexual secrets of vampires so the dictionary is only a start. As I include more topics about vampires, and introduce more vampire terms, the dictionary will form a compendium of love and sex from the manuals of vampire love.

Now I have described all the theory of love, it’s time we put it into practice and use love techniques to find love. The how-to love vampire style is next.